Daughter Full of Fear and Broken Emotionally
The father of a family fell while playing with his children and freakishly broke his neck which paralyzed him from the neck down. He has many dangerous situations occur which require him to be taken by paramedics to the hospital. The 2 year old doesn't seem to realize what is going on, however, the 4 year old gets very distraught everytime her dad is taken away and asks over and over if her daddy will come home again. The mother is torn because she knows her husband needs her and her daughter is full of fear and broken emotionally. What can this mother say or do to comfort her daughter? What can this wife do to lessen the anxiety in their household while dealing with this trying situation?
Response:
Tough question. My heart goes out to this man and his family. Keep in mind that children this age are very concrete in the ways they make sense of the world. Abstract notions don't satisfy, but if they can touch or see or feel, then they feel they can come to terms with life. As a simple example, it does little to talk with a small child about the nature and meaning of love, but when you give her a big bear hug and swing her around while you say "I love you" she gets that totally.
In the case you described, Dad's absence equates to hurt and confusion. I'd offer two suggestions. One, at a neutral time, take her to the place where Dad receives healing and let the staff there show her some of the things they do to help someone who is struggling. (I'm assuming the personnel would accomodate you.) Second, when Dad is gone, discuss what she will do as part of her routine while you await his return. For instance, you can talk with her about drawing a picture that would cheer Dad up. You can let her know who will take care of her and what other activities she will have while Dad is gone. Keep it concrete.
One last thing. It is ok for a child to feel grief. You don't have to figure out how to fully remove the emotion. After all, there is something here to grieve.
Dr. Les
Categories: Children and Parenting, Depression and Anxiety, Health and Wellbeing
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