When people tell me about experiences that trigger anger and worry, I frequently hear stories about minor matters that blow up into major tensions.  For instance, when a parent instructs a teenager about getting homework done, the youth's balking response can set off an argument that spoils the entire evening.  Likewise, if a husband speaks to his wife in a less than patient tone of voice, the impending discussion about his poor communication can spark loud exchanges that generate great struggles with bitterness and resentment.  I refer to this phenomenon as spending ten dollars of emotional energy for five cents of frustration.  Many individuals are experts at making mountains out of molehills, and they seem chronically trapped in a toxic pit. 

It is in the management of the relatively minor problems that individuals show themselves to be either healthy or not.  Usually the minor annoyances happen quickly and without warning, meaning they have a way of revealing the true nature of a person's commitment to traits like love, acceptance, patience, and the like.  Anyone can exhibit positive traits when everything is going well, but the truth about a person is displayed in the midst of challenging circumstances.  Do you believe in being a giver of grace?  Show me what it looks like when a family member baits you with critical or argumentative words.  Is confidence a trait you cherish?  Let me see it when you know you will be scorned for thinking differently.  Do you prioritize respect?  Act with dignity and tact even as another is speaking with disrespect. 

To display healthy traits even as others give you unhealthy initiatives, you will need to be firmly committed to a plan of life that carries you independently.  I call this transcendent thinking, the ability to consider each circumstance within the perspective of a larger understanding of life.  Transcendent thinkers have contemplated deeply about the mission that defines their lives and they have taken the time to consider how that mission directly impacts every element of life, down to the seemingly insignificant details. 

As an example, a transcendent thinker may conclude that all people deserve dignity, so he acts respectfully even when others are in a foul mood.  Likewise, when his life is impacted by someone else's imperfect habits, he can choose not to harbor a critical spirit as he remembers that he too is flawed and that love can still be portrayed in the midst of others'' inadequacies.  His attitude reflects a willingness to rise above the tension of the moment, prioritizing principles that are carefully considered.

Rather than becoming mired in the minutia of the moment, transcendent thinkers stay focused on the big picture.  One friend jokingly told me that he wanted to make sure that the speakers at his funeral had plenty of good material to use when the time came, so it was his mission to impact people in a way that would cause them to speak well of him when he died.  As I thought about his words, I realized that he was onto something.  Whether we realize it or not, we each leave impressions on others every day, and those impressions eventually form the legacy for which we are known.  Do you live with this awareness?

Ideally, each person would be trained to be a transcendent thinker in the teen years, the time of life when we become capable of abstract thinking.  Thought provoking questions could be presented to maturing young people as they are encouraged to lay the foundations for a philosophy of life to carry them through crucial times of tension.  This habit of deeper thinking would continue in the early adult years as they ponder how to live with conviction and purpose.  They would eventually become mature adults who know how to apply concepts to each and every strain that comes their way.

Unfortunately, such a discipline is missing in most individuals.  Often, middle aged adults will reflect that they spent much of their formative years trying to please their authorities, performing for acceptance, or perhaps just dodging the abusive behavior of individuals who otherwise might have been positioned to guide them into maturity.  Learning to think transcendently took a back seat to short term considerations.

Whether trained or not, each of us experiences challenges in life that can compel us to contemplate what life is all about.  Do you become so bogged down in the irritants of the moment that deeper thinking does not occur, or are you aware of the opportunity in front of you to show what you really believe?  It's never too late to begin the process of reflecting how your deepest beliefs will impact your most common circumstances.

The alternative to transcendent thinking is impulsive reaction.  I don't know about you, but I'm not very confident that my raw impulsive responses to aggravations will be accompanied by wisdom.  Mentally rehearsing ways to respond to life's junk is a hedge against emotions that are prone to running amok.