Dear Dr. Les:

The father of a family fell while playing with his children and freakishly broke his neck which paralyzed him from the neck down. He has many dangerous situations occur which require him to be taken by paramedics to the hospital. The 2 year old doesn't seem to realize what is going on, however, the 4 year old gets very distraught everytime her dad is taken away and asks over and over if her daddy will come home again. The mother is torn because she knows her husband needs her and her daughter is full of fear and broken emotionally. What can this mother say or do to comfort her daughter? What can this wife do to lessen the anxiety in their household while dealing with this trying situation? << MORE >>

Dear Dr. Les:

What is your professional opinion concerning a platonic relationship between a single woman and a married man? Are there any dangers? Where would you advise the friends to "draw the line?" Just wondering.<< MORE >>

When people tell me about experiences that trigger anger and worry, I frequently hear stories about minor matters that blow up into major tensions. For instance, when a parent instructs a teenager about getting homework done, the youth's balking response can set off an argument that spoils the entire evening. Likewise, if a husband speaks to his wife in a less than patient tone of voice, the impending discussion about his poor communication can spark loud exchanges that generate great struggles with bitterness and resentment. I refer to this phenomenon as spending ten dollars of emotional energy for five cents of frustration. Many individuals are experts at making mountains out of molehills, and they seem chronically trapped in a toxic pit.<< MORE >>

In a Peanuts comic strip, Charlie Brown was quizzing Linus about the nature of coyotes. Are they tame like dogs or should they be avoided at all costs? That was his question. The final panel showed Snoopy musing to himself: "My Grandpa always told me to never trust a coyote wearing a tuxedo." Snoopy didn't realize it, but he expressed the sentiments I often have regarding people who have a coyote-like temper.

It is not at all uncommon for me to counsel someone in the immediate aftermath of a wild rage that sent family and friends<< MORE >>

Let's suppose that Bob ate lunch yesterday at his favorite barbeque joint, but did not reveal this to his wife. Is that problematic? Probably not. Information about something so routine is commonly not a matter of discussion, and if Bob fails to disclose his lunch menu, virtually no one would fault him. But let's suppose that at that barbeque joint, Bob spent his lunch time with a beautiful blonde who was not his wife, and they spoke seductively to one another throughout the course of the meal.<< MORE >>

One warm summer night my wife and I attended a Double A minor league baseball game with another couple. The stadium was cozy and clean, and unlike some big league stadiums, this one seemed to offer a real up-close and personal feel as we watched the action. Because the players were not as familiar as those on the major league rosters, there were constant promotional gimmicks to keep the crowd interested and upbeat. I had never been to a minor league game before, so this was a fun departure from other experiences.<< MORE >>

From time to time I am asked by the family court system to evaluate a person for the purpose of determining his or her mental and emotional well being. Not a task to be taken lightly, I virtually always augment personal interviews with standardized psychological tests.

One of the scales on the personality test compares the individual's inclination toward depression with the normal population. Obviously, a high score is one that most people do not want to see on their results, but many are surprised to learn that an extremely low score is also not desirable. Most falsely assume that a measurement indicating zero depression is a signal of emotional healthiness.<< MORE >>

Pamela was exasperated as she spoke with her two teenagers. Several times she had asked them to help with minor household matters but they had yet to follow through. Instead they had spent their entire day being argumentative with each other and passive regarding their chores. Impatience and irritability were quite obvious in Pamela’s voice as she asked: “What is wrong with you two? Do you think you can just ignore my wishes all day long?<< MORE >>

In my workshops and counseling sessions, I am on a quest to help people discover why they struggle as they do with errant emotions and relationship turmoil. In one case after another, individuals come to realize that the attempt to be in control is at the heart of their problems. The methods people use to control vary greatly among the individuals, yet vying for control stands out as one of the primary reasons people have problems. << MORE >>

Think about times when you feel annoyed with someone. There is a good chance that the person involved is someone you have ongoing contact with, perhaps a family member, a close friend, or a coworker. As you attempt to coordinate life with those nearest you, there is a high probability that your needs will not intersect perfectly with theirs, so your unsettled feelings should not cause great alarm. Healthy relations are typified not by perfect harmony, but by the willingness to give and receive input from each other when disharmony is experienced. In fact, there is probably something wrong with a close relationship where disagreements never surface. << MORE >>

Narcissism is one of the most challenging patterns of life to contend with, particularly when you are closely tied to a person who is bent that way. Narcissism is defined as a personality so consumed with Self that the individual is unable to relate to the feelings, needs, and perceptions of others. Chronically controlling and exploitive behavior is at the core of this personality. While narcissists can initially seem pleasant and engaging, over time they have a knack for generating great anger and exasperation in those who simply want to relate with equality and respect.

Being honest, we each could recognize some measure of narcissism in ourselves. For instance, if someone tells you an interesting story about an event in her life, you might respond with: "That reminds me of a time when I…" Rather than letting the other person have the spotlight for the moment, it is tempting to put the focus squarely onto oneself.<< MORE >>

In his thought provoking book, The Last Word and the Word After That, Brian McLaren tells the story of a concert pianist living during the Nazi take-over of much of Europe. Being Jewish, this man was arrested and during interrogations, he was tortured, with one hand being broken in six places and the other in seventeen. Though exposed to the unspeakable atrocities of the Holocaust, this man survived and lived to a ripe age. However, because he had never received the necessary medical attention, his hands had not healed properly and he was never able to reproduce the sounds that once brought joy to many in his earlier years. << MORE >>

Sitting in my counseling office, face flushed, mascara running with her tears, Jean was totally exasperated. For years she took pride in being known as the one who could make everyone smile. Ever available, she was the friend others called in tough times. She relished in the role of confidante. She was the perfect wife, sister, mother (or at least that’s what she tried to be). Legions of acquaintances would brag how she was the embodiment of sweetness and kindness. << MORE >>

Recently a man in Bosnia, unhappily married and desperately looking for someone who could love him, logged onto a dating web site to find the ideal woman. After sifting through numerous profiles and chatting with several candidates, he settled on a woman who went by the code name of Sweetie. He had given himself the moniker, Prince of Joy. It did not take long for him to realize that in Sweetie he had found a woman who possessed that extra something he was looking for. She was funny, kind, and empathetic. She too was aglow as she sensed that she had discovered a man who had a special knack for understanding and communication. Like Prince of Joy, she ached for a soul mate << MORE >>

When I attempt to help individuals decipher the reasons for their angry eruptions, several variables tend to be prominent. For instance, angry people commonly feel threatened and the anger is actually an expression of fear…but try convincing the hairy-chested bully of that. Anger can also indicate a stinging hurt from feeling misunderstood, which tells us that the individual struggles greatly with insecurity. Additionally, anger can have roots in episodes of grief, abandonment, disillusionment, and rejection. There is no one cause for anger since we each experience it within differing contexts. << MORE >>